I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for a while and my husband has really been pushing me to share what I’ve learned about FPIES as well as my adapted recipes. He’s right, I’ve learned a lot about the illness and how to survive with it. I want other overwhelmed and frustrated parents to know that it gets better and to learn from my research (and my mistakes). The only problem is that I’ve been stuck on a name for my blog…kind of. I mean, if I’m completely honest about my relationship with FPIES, how I feel about FPIES, and my most frequent thought about FPIES, the phrase that pops into my head loud and clear is: “F You, FPIES!”
But is that really an appropriate title for a blog starring my son?
For those of you that know me personally, you know that my husband swears enough for the both of us, and I just don’t use that kind of language very often. My closest friends can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve said “the F word.” I don’t have anything against obscenities, I just don’t use them. So the fact that this is the phrase that comes to my mind so often is pretty significant.
I guess it’s because I’m angry at FPIES.
FPIES and I are definitely in a fight. You see, I have these ideas of what a normal childhood should include. They aren’t crazy ideas. They are things like exploring a playground and eating cookies and finger painting. They are activities that most kids enjoy and most parents don’t really think about. But for us, FPIES gets in the way. And it really pisses me off. FPIES is like this giant storm cloud that continuously tries to ruin our picnics.
Well we aren’t going to just sit inside all the time and wait for the rain to stop. I’m going to get a giant umbrella. Picnicking under an umbrella isn’t the same as picnicking on a sunny day, but at least we will have our picnic. And in some ways it might even be more fun, more of an adventure. So, HA! Take that! F you!
This is how I feel each time I manage some small victory over FPIES. I just think – F you and your minefield of Cheerios at our playdate, F you and your ubiquitous soy, F you – we did it anyway, we had fun, we ate something yummy and we stayed safe. We win!
So, FPIES and I are in a fight that I am determined to win. It seems fitting to document every victory in a place whose name reflects so much of what I feel. And, to be fair, I will also document the losses. Those are the times when we will learn the most and feel the anger and frustration and sorrow that make the victories so much sweeter. And, coincidentally, the losses also cause me to mentally utter those same words.
I hope you aren’t offended by my blog’s name. Perhaps it’s a little edgy for the allergy mom community. I worry that it will turn people off and they will not read the meaningful, heartfelt, factual, G-rated content. I still feel a little uncomfortable associating something so personal and about my little angel with this language. But somehow it seems more appropriate than inappropriate. I’m in this fight for him and I’m sure he’d want me to be honest with myself and all of you about how angry I am at FPIES and how proud I feel with each small victory.